What If
by LoversLove
Summary: After the shooting, Emma's life went on a downward spiral, leaving her no friends, bad grades, and nothing to show for her life, except for one thing. Please Review
1. Chapter 1

Manny stood still, her eyes wide as she watched her teacher receive the news. She turned her head to the desk towards the back of the class, the one that should have held her best friend, or ex best friend. She turned back, watching her media immersion teacher collapse to the ground, sobbing. Her eyes filled with tears as she pushed herself away from the desk, pulling at her hair.

She knew, she didn't need anyone to tell her what happened, how it happened, she just knew. She shook as she broke down in her chair. She knew people were staring, wondering, what was wrong with their teacher and now, Manny. But soon they will get it. Her body fell to the ground, she felt so alone.

She turned, hearing Mr. Simpson re-enter the classroom, tears still pouring down his face, a face filled with pain. He wobbled over to his desk, turning his head away from the class and their curious faces. He got his bag slowly, and then crept back to the door, Manny's eyes were overflowing with tears, and she made a weak attempt to stand on her wobbling legs.

"No!" She cried, trying to stop her teacher from leaving the classroom and taking her hope with her. "No! No-no-no!" Her cries were desperate, pleading with herself, telling herself that her friend was here, and she was fine, that she was just going to turn around and be there. She was screaming, but she didn't care, she just didn't want to know what had happened.

Snake turned to the girl, glaring at her, trying to quiet her. Manny shook her head, and kept yelling, pulling at her hair again, trying to make him stop. His eyes told her that she was right in her assumptions, and that she should shut up. She couldn't just shut up, she just couldn't. He dropped his bag, suddenly furious with the brunette, and yelled.

"She was MY daughter!" Tears sprang from his eyes as he collapsed, falling to his knees. Nothing made sense to him, how could this have happened? His beautiful, healthy daughter was perfect, how could this have happened to her. Manny bit her lips and continued to cry, rolling herself into a ball on the floor, hoping to find comfort and feeling within herself.

The classroom was quiet, filled with the sound of two people sobbing, and the sound of their tears hitting the floor. Both thinking the same thing. How could this have happened to her, and why did it have to happen like this.

_Emma strolled through the empty streets of Toronto, blissfully drunk, and in the company of Spinner Mason. Both were stumbling over each other, laughing at their echoes and the birds who were still chirping. They had found solace in each others company, and in the company of alcohol. Emma twirled in the middle of the street, stopping to look into a house. _

_She watched as an older man and woman turned off the light above them and lefted the room. The sight made her eyes tear up, knowing that for her, that would never happen, and that she would never get a happy ending. Spinner waltzed up next to her, bottle in hand, and she grabbed it, swallowing the bitter liquid down. _

"_You know Spin?" She slurred her words as she wrapped her arm around his broad shoulders, hoping that he would stay balanced enough to hold her. "Were good people, and I don't think people know that…" the bottle fell out of her petite hand, and the couple burst out in laughter, finding the broken glass on the ground to be the funniest thing in the world. _

"_I think people know you're a good girl, Miss Nelson. It's me that they have a problem with." He laughed, still looking at the colorful glass in the middle of the road. Both were transfixed by the way the color and light sprayed off of each broken piece. Emma sighed, and explained herself further. _

"_People don't think I'm good…They used to… But now they don't… I am a fuck up, and people will always think that… That's what this world did…" Her words were soft and spoken fondly. Spinner looked at the small blonde girl with her arm over his shoulders and sighed. He knew that right now, they were not the most popular people in the world, and right now, all they really had was each other. _

_Spinner had gotten expelled from the school he had always gone to, that all his friends go to. He had just gone through the most horrible three months of his life, all because of one mistake, he bullied a psycho and he blamed his best friend. He had gotten his best friend shot, and lost all his other friends. He was alone, except for Emma. _

_Emma had almost been shot, and had watched the love of her life go back home. She, however, coped with the shooting by going down on the school bad boy and getting gonorrhea. She had about gotten over everything, when she learned that her little brother might have cancer. Scared, she went over to her parent's friend's house, only to find her best friends boyfriend there. He had comforted her in her time of need, and kissed her. _

_Everything had fallen apart for her from then on. Her best friend told everyone at school what she had done, and no one would talk to her. She was slowly failing, and had no one to talk to. She was mocked mercilessly and ignored for more then a month. She had no one, that is, she didn't, till she started talking to Spinner one day at the Dot. They had bonded in their worst moments of life and became close friends. Even though Emma couldn't see him during school, the thought of him kept her going. _

_Emma smiled as her wrapped his strong arms around her, and they stumbled over the glass to the lonely bus stop, sitting there fore two hours, before walking home. Both thinking about their messed up lives. _


	2. Chapter 2

Manny sat on her bed, repeating the day's events in her head. She couldn't help but think that it was her fault, she had turned everyone against her friend, which ultimately lead to her demise. She should have listened, she shouldn't have yelled, she should have let them explain what had happened. Now that she knew, now that she had been told what had happened between Emma and Craig, it all made sense. It was an accident, but she couldn't stand it.

She opened her sock drawer, going through it angrily, till her warm hands made contact with a cool, wrinkled piece of paper. She pulled it out, and tears filled her eyes again. It was her and Emma, at the community pool. They were sitting happily together, arms around each other, trying to pose for the camera. They looked so stupid, but it had always been Manny's favorite picture of them. She had put it somewhere secret when they had their fight, so that her new friends would think that their friendship was really over. But Manny didn't want to throw away her most precious memories.

She lay on her bed for a minute, before she closed her eyes and faded into a dreamless, guilt ridden sleep.

_Emma lay awake, her head throbbing from drinking with Spinner earlier that day. She had nothing to do, and she wasn't about to go upstairs to talk to her parents with whiskey on her breathe. She sighed, finding nothing better to do then to stare at the unmoving ceiling, and listen to her parent's conversation above. _

"_She not normal, Snake!" Her mother pleaded with her stepfather. "Ever since the shooting, she hasn't been acting like herself…" _

_She growled as she heard her parents start a discussion on her, and her well being. It was too late for them to do anything; she knew she was too far gone. She had fallen from her pedestal and was comfortable where she was now, with Spinner. She didn't need anyone else, she was protected. _

_A small tear slid down her cheek, as she remembers the old times, her old friends and her old life. She always got like this when she thought about old Emma. But she knew she could never be her again. She was never going to do that._

_The blonde sat up, wiping the tears away, suddenly furious at herself for crying. She picked herself up and made her way to the basement window, opening it and running out onto the freshly cut grass. She didn't give a damn if her parents could see her leave; they weren't going to stop her. She ran all the way to the Mason household, before climbing their pine tree. _

_Once on the tree, she made her way to the edge of a branch, outside of Spinner's window, knocking on it a bit before opening it. She crawled in, finding the room empty and messy, as usual. She could hear the water running, and realized he was probably in the shower. She sighed as she laid down on his messy bed, letting his musky aroma cover her._

_She smiled, looking at all the photos on his wall and on his drawers. All of them were from his old life. Him and Jimmy, him between Marco and Craig. All times that would most likely never happen again. He was like her. Both of them missed their old lives, they missed their friends and they missed how people cared about them, but for now, they felt fine. _

_The door opened and a very wet Spinner entered the room, half surprised to see the Nelson girl lying on his unmade bed. He smiled though; glad he had gotten dressed in the bathroom. He sat next to her and stared at the pictures. He didn't need to ask why she was there, something had happened, something had made her come. It wasn't his business to ask what happened; it was his business to help fix it, to help fix her. _

"_Where do you want to go?" His question was simple. Whenever Emma would appear in his room, or at his doorstep, that was always the first thing that slid out of his mouth. She always had somewhere, somewhere new each time. Once they drove all the way to Wasaga beach, to the beach where she had witnessed Sean almost drown. All they did was sit, sit in the exact spot where she watched it happen. _

_She looked up at him and his small smile, feeling content. "Let's just stay here for now, okay?" She smiled up at him, feeling no pressure or tension between them. The world just was the way it was, and they didn't need to change anything now. She felt as if that moment was perfect, her sitting with him, staring up at his past life. _

_There was a knock at his door, his sister Kendra. She spoke quickly, sounding uncomfortable. "Gavin…Jay's here" He sighed, Jay always teased his little sister. He looked back down at the blonde girl, who nodded her head. "Come on in, Hogart"_

_The troubled teen made his way into the room, surprised to see his friend and Emma on a bed together. He smirked a little before telling some obscene joke, neither of them really paid attention to it, still caught up in the past. Jay groaned a little before slapping the teenagers head. "Look, there's a party tonight, in the ravine. You guys should definitely be there. Rumor is, someone is going to bring another van." _

_With that, the brunette boy left, taking his jokes with him. Emma flipped on her back, and stared at the blank white ceiling, finding comfort in how plain it was. "We should go, you know… Just go." Spinner flipped over as well, staring at the ceiling as well. "To the party?" He knew very well she didn't mean the party, she never meant the party._

"_No… I mean just like, go… we can do anything we want, I mean what's stopping us?" Her words were hopeful, and wanting. Spinner looked over at her profile, and smiled. She turned to him to, gazing into his eyes, hoping that his smile was a yes to her plans. _

"_After the party tonight…We're gone"_


	3. Chapter 3

Manny sit in the Simpson's large living area, watching Jack play with his colorful toys. His giggles seemed to be out of place, seeing that the mood of the whole house was dark and desperate. People from all over were there, some relatives Manny had assumed her friend had made up. But now everything seemed shockingly and bitterly real.

A voice in the back of her kept telling her how this was her fault, but she shook it out, trying to focus on Jack. He was happy as can be, dressed in baby blue. Manny let a tear fall as she thought back on how horrible she was to her best friend. How she wasn't there for her when Jack went through the rigorous testing for cancer.

_Emma silently shut her locker door, hoping that if she was quiet enough, no one would notice her. She knew that she only had a few more hours until Spinner would pick her up in his beat up car, and they would go off somewhere and just relax. But for now, she was stuck at school, where everyone was a potential threat. She sighed and picked up her bag, turning around to go off to her next class. _

"_Oh, look. It's Emma. Got any STD's from someone's boyfriend today?" Manny stood in front of her ex best friend, smirking as she saw Emma wring her tiny hands. "Oh, well, don't worry; I hear Spinner has plenty of them. Oh and look, you decided to go after my leftovers again. Seems like you have a little pattern."_

_Emma's eyes focused down on her shoes, filling with tears as she heard Darcy and a couple of other girls laugh at Manny's cruel comments. It wasn't the fact that they were saying these things about her; they were saying horrible things about Spinner. He was better then that. He was a good guy, with a great heart; he certainly was not anyone's leftovers. _

_Emma choked back a sob and tried to pass the short brunette, only to for the girl to move in front of her again. Sighing, Emma looked back up, and glared at the girl in front of her. She had taken on Alex before, so she knew that this would be no problem. _

"_You have no idea what you are talking about. You don't know me, you don't know my life, and you certainly don't know Spinner. So why don't you shut the fuck up and get out of my way." Her voice was confident, and her eyes pierced into Manny's as she spoke. But the Latina girl didn't move._

"_Why don't you make me, psycho slut?" She tilted her head challenging the tall lanky girl, thinking that nothing would come of it. Her eyes widened as the blonde girl's hand slapped her face so hard it made her fall to the ground. Emma stared down at the girl who was now on the floor with tears in her eyes. _

"_Don't you dare even try to say you know me. And don't you even think about talking to me. I am done with you, and your little friends. Here on out, you aren't even good enough to be my enemy."_

_And with that, Emma Nelson walked to her next class, leaving a shocked, red faced Manny Santos on the ground. _

That was the last day Manny had spoken to her friend. She hadn't really tried to reconnect, though she had tried to sabotage and hurt her. But in the end, all the plans failed. Manny let tears fall from her eyes as she sat in the living room. This wasn't what it was supposed to be like. Emma and she were supposed to stay together. They were supposed to go off to college together, graduate together, and then live in a flat together. When they were friends, they had their lives planned out, but now, Manny didn't even know what had happened to her best friend.

_Emma snuck back into her room, smiling as she noticed that neither of her parents had noticed she was even gone. She could be gone for weeks and she knew they probably wouldn't even notice. At least, they wouldn't if it was summer, when she didn't have Snake as a teacher. She smiled and remember her plans with Spinner. _

_She made her way towards her closet, pulling out her suitcases; she knew she would need them. She scurried around her small room, picking up all the important things. She had clothes, pictures and trophies packed in, when she saw a tiny picture in a frame on her small bookshelf. It was one she had taken with Manny by the pool when they were still friends. _

_She sighed and let a tear fall, before grabbing a piece of paper. She quickly jotted a short note down before she placed it on the frame. "When they realize I'm gone, I want them to know the reason." She smiled down at the tiny letter to her old friend. _

_She sprang up from her bed as she heard a knock on the window. Crap, it was Spinner and she wasn't even ready for the party. Emma unlatched the window and let her friend in, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before hurrying into her walk in closet. _

"_So you're sure you want to leave this place?" His voice was shaky, questioning of her motives. _

"_I'm positive. Why, do you not want to come…?" She looked up at the teen, hoping for him to tell her that he wanted to go with her. She smiled as he walked up to her, giving her a firm hug. _

"_I'm going if you are." _


	4. Chapter 4

Manuela watched as her teacher sat awkwardly at his desk after giving her class silent study. She knew he wasn't in the mood to teach, he wasn't in the mood for anything. He just wanted his daughter back, he wanted to be out there with her, but for now he had to sit with 30 other students. The girl looked down at her paper, and sighed, crumpling it up and shoving it into her bag.

She was trying to write an apology to Emma, for all the things she had said, and all the lies she had spread about her. She didn't mean them, and she wanted Emma to know that too. But with every word seemed flat, and when read out loud, her words sounded meaningless. Tears flooded into her eyes as she realized that things between her best friend and her would never go back to the way they were, even if she were to apologize.

_Emma and Spinner arrived at the ravine right on time. They knew that the whole time thing was just a formality, but still, they did appreciate some order in their lives. Both of their bags were packed neatly into Spinner's car, promising a quick departure shortly after the festivities. Emma looked over at Spinner as she exited the car and smiled. Never had her life felt so perfect. _

_Spinner smiled back at her, making his way around the car. He stood next to her and leaned against her door. "You ready?" He joked, knowing that she was more then ready to leave this place she once called a home. She turned to him, smiling wider then ever. _

"_More then ever." Her voice was confident, and her eyes shone with happiness. He smiled, looking forward towards where the party was, grabbing her tiny hand in his. Emma blushed quickly, looking away. _

"_Let's go then." _

_Emma smiled as they walked towards the party, hoping people would think that she and Spinner were dating. She had always liked the boy, finding his boyish charm cute. But being around him so often made her notice the little things about him. Like how he hates it when his hair covers his eye, so he constantly makes sure it's in place. Or like how when he gets made, he won't move for a good minute or two, because he needs to think. Or sometimes, he gets a nervous twitch in his left eye. All of this made Emma feel closer to him, and she couldn't help but find herself falling in love. _

_They made their way to the ravine, listening to the loud music and watching people everywhere make out. It barely seemed like a party, but it was appropriate. It seemed like a way of saying goodbye to Degrassi, and to all the people who had been there for Emma when her friends were not. Suddenly the music was cut off and Emma felt all eyes on her. _

"_This is for slapping me, bitch!" Manny's voice filled the ravine, causing Emma to panic and hold onto Spinner's hand tightly. She felt a cold liquid being poured on her, and felt the sting in her eyes. In less then a second, the blonde girl was covered in lemon juice from head to toe. She dared not open her eyes, for fear of getting any juice in them, but she heard people laughing. _

_She let go of Spinner's warm hand and let it go to her face, wiping the juice off in a pathetic attempt to keep some dignity. She felt the hot sting of tears in her eyes, knowing that this had been a set up. Spinner was next to her the whole time, and took off his shirt in an attempt to wipe the juice off of her face. _

_She choked back a sob and smiled at Spinner's actions, finding them sweet and gentle. Once the laughter had died down some, and she could open her brown eyes, she turned towards her former friends, and Manny, speaking in a small voice. _

"_It seems fitting that this happened now. Thank you all; really, I will miss each and every one of you." She made her way over to Manny, pushing her aside to get two beers, tossing one to a glowering Spinner. "See you all in hell…" _

_She passed Spinner, and made her way back to the car, leaving a dumbfounded crowd behind her. Whispers flew, all asking the same question. "Is she leaving," "Are her and Spinner eloping…?" and "What the fuck is going on?" But she ignored them, and sat in the small, beat up car, drinking her beer. _

_Spinner, however, refused to move, still glaring at Manny and Jay, who were now sitting wide eyed looking back at him. "You two set this up!" He marched over to the two, his beer still in hand as he grabbed Jay by the collar. "You dirty son of a bitch! I thought we could trust you! Come on man, you knew what shit was like for her and you help this fucking bitch destroy her! Come on MAN!" He was about to punch Jay, but Manny stepped in, glaring up at the older teen. _

"_She deserved this! She slapped me! She stole my boyfriend! She" "SHE DIDN'T DESERVE WHAT YOU DID TO HER!" Manny quieted as Spinner yelled. The angry teen looked between Manny and Jay and growled, turning on his heel and storming to the car. _

"_Let's go Emma…Let's just go…" _

Manny felt the tears come again, thinking back to the last time she had seen her friend. Her crying was cut short when she heard a voice call to her from outside the classroom.

"Manny Santos…We need to talk."


End file.
